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Brangelina's Breakup Mixtape

20 September 2016, 17:30

Love is over. Cancel romance. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting divorced. These are the end times.

So the dream is over - let's collectively wallow in sad bangers and weep for what once was. You could just whack on the Mr. & Mrs. Smith OST, but that stirs too many difficult memories for us right now, so we've made a mixtape to soundtrack the end of one of the most iconic celebrity partnerships in living memory: Brangelina.

Side A: Angelina

Nine Inch Nails - "Every Day Is Exactly The Same"

"Sometimes I think I'm happy here / sometimes, yet I still pretend / I can't remember how this got started / but I can tell you exactly how it will end..." Oh Mr. Reznor, you speak to us in ways no other human can.

Skeeter Davis - "The End Of The World"

It might feel like the end of the world, Skeeter, but sometimes all you need is a good ol' cry. Come on, let it all out.

The Prodigy - "One Love"

If a teary ballad won't rouse you from your doldrums, perhaps some red-eyed breakbeat will? It should at least distract you for a while if nothing else.

Lana Del Rey - "Once Upon A Dream"

Lana Del Rey is the goddamn master of modern tearjerkers, so keep the tissues handy for this morbid Disney cover.

The Dandy Warhols - "The Last High"

The Dandy Warhols are oddly poignant during this drugged-out ode: "I am alone / but adored by 100,000 more..."

Turn the page for Side B: Brad.


Side B: Brad

Pixies - "Where Is My Mind?"

Where are their minds right now? They are at a very strange time in their lives - and so are we after today's bombshell.

David Bowie - "The Hearts Filthy Lesson"

It's not among the Starman's classics at this juncture, but this industrial experiment certainly speaks volumes during these darkest of days.

Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - "Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World"

There will be a silver lining somewhere. There's hope; even in a Brangelinaless world, there is hope.

Chris Isaak - "Two Hearts"

Isaak's best known for playing his "Wicked Game", but he has other strings to his bow. This particular string is bittersweet, with morose lyrics and uplifting chords.

The Rembrandts - "I'll Be There For You"

Hopefully any animosity will subside and they can remain on good terms. They've been inseparable for over a decade, and there are kids involved. Fingers crossed, maybe they'll stay Friends.

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