whitelies_loselife_album“Let’s grow old together, and die at the same time.”Lets grow old together, and die at the same time. Let’s grow old together, AND DIE AT THE SAME TIME. You know what, you have to hand it to White Lies, that’s a beautiful line. The Unicorns themselves couldn’t have done better. Lets actually grow old together, and die at exactly the same time. I’m flushed with the sweetness and brilliance of this conceit. But you know what else, in context it comes across as one of the most RIDICULOUS THINGS EVER because White Lies are one of the most pompous bands ever to crawl out of their own collective arsehole and into this poor, innocent world of Ears. I’ve got to admit I don’t listen to the radio, so maybe that’s part of it, but how hyped bands nowadays are supposed to emerge, at least into the mainstream (though lets not pretend that the successes of the Animal Collectives, Deerhunters and Fleet Foxes of this world is *completely* down to some sort of powerful grassroots movement here), seems just so clandestine, so *arbitrary* a process, I just don’t have the faintest idea how one might break into it, even if I for example *did* have the requisite talent to write, like, quality pop music in the vein of FrankMusik or something, how I would even start to go about cracking into the ‘Musicworld’. (In, like, some sort of mysterious institutionalist sense).And see this is what I mean about it being arbitrary, because a band called White Lies evidently *have* broken into this ‘Musicworld’, and I really have no idea why. What they really are is incredibly, embarrassingly bad. As a pub band they would be a pity case. A totally senseless aping of something like The Teardrop Explodes, but with all the subtly of a blind ape beating up the manager of a toy shop. How the term ‘sub-Editors’ has even the faintest bit of practical use in our lexicon I don’t know- I didn’t think I would ever live in *that* world but that’s what White Lies are: sub-Editors, and god knows how they can even sleep at night whilst making such phenomenally, up-its-own-arse bad music.Yes! If you thought Interpol had the occasional clunky lyric (actually that’s really harsh on Interpol, putting them in company like this, I really like ‘Turn On The Bright Lights’ and ‘Antics’ but you know, Paul Banks has dropped some of the all-time great clunkers despite this) then prepare yourself for White Lies! “I saw a friend that I once knew at a funeral”! OH MY FUCKING GOD. Maybe White Lies are just aiming for some sort of sick legacy as prime objects of study in some university course module of the near future entitled Pomposity In Music, because right now, they would be first on my syllabus. As a parody, this would be genuinely amusing. Sold as serious, its horrific.White Lies don’t just need to be taken down a peg or two, they need to be taken off the washing line entirely. For some reason its members- its members who *have written these astonishingly pompous songs* are out there in society *on the verge of having a successful music career*. Do you know what this means? Do you realize how dangerous this is? These cunts are successful! These cunts are going to have *careers*! Careers based around their ‘art’- of being cunts! This sort of positive affirmation can be IN NO WAY HEALTHY for these individuals! And, as such, I am not even going to give their album the faint dignity of a score. It’ll be as if I didn’t even give it a review at all. Hahahahahahaha. Oh actually no wait. A direct, hard kick up the face is DEFINITELY more impactful than just *ignoring* people like this. So, to that effect:0% That’ll give them something to be especially depressed about, huh?