Marie Fjeldsted aka Penny Police writes about balancing a life of music with the responsibilities of motherhood.
I would like to write about the process of making my album Be Lucky and what Be Lucky means to me.
In 2014 I had my daughter Viola. I'm still the same and yet so different from back then. She was very easy and almost didn't make a sound before she was six months old. So it wasn't any problem for me to take her with me to the studio and in that time my album Be Lucky had its beginning. An album that is dedicated to her, to becoming a mom, finding your own feet and listening to your inner voice.
It was very natural for me to become a mom but I thought it was difficult to combine this new role with being a musician at the same time. It was like spending time on music took away time from this new most important thing in the world. I had thoughts like, "What if she dies, while I'm playing a concert?” I also dealt with thoughts like, ”What's the point of making music? Will I ever be able to make a real living of it?” etc. But at the same time I knew there was nothing to do. If I stopped playing music that would be my biggest regret. So that wasn't an option. I had to make peace with all these questions and find a way of enjoying it while being a mom and while knowing that I might never be world famous (which I'm quite happy about). And my way to make it all fit together was to imagine what kind of role model I would like Viola to grow up with.
One thing that I've learned through my life so far is that the most important thing in everything we do is to feel seen and heard. And I started to practise a lot to make myself seen and heard; to be proud of myself and my existence. I learned a lot from Viola in this regard. The way she demanded my attention and the way she took my love for granted, which is the only way. She is loved for just being and no one should ever doubt this. We should never have to earn love. I also dealt a lot with the feeling of shame and knew that I would do everything in my power not to pass this on to Viola.
So while I worked on my album I had all of these personal processes going on and step by step these two intertwined. The album process became a place where I practised taking myself seriously, having more faith, speaking out loud, regretting without shame, being in charge while at the same time letting go of the need to be in control, accepting ups and downs, and so much more.
I think all of this can be boiled down to ”have faith in yourself and your intuition and don't make things harder than they have to be”. This is what I want to pass on to Viola (and still practise myself) and from that I made up the album title Be Lucky. Because if you trust and follow your intuition I think you will automatically—and with no big effort—end up a place where luck will come your way."
The cover for my album is an egg painted by my daughter. She painted it, completely by coincidence, for Easter when she was three years old. I was in the middle of getting everything together around this album that had such a deep meaning to me and is dedicated to my daughter. So when I saw this egg everything fell into place. It symbolises how beautiful things can be without even having to try and that living shouldn't be hard. And then we dropped the egg and that was just as beautiful, symbolising that nothing lasts forever. Enjoy it while it's there.