I can pretty much guarantee that this will be a biased review. It’s unfortunate, but is nonetheless a reality. I have just a step above contempt for Christmas music. It’s naïvely optimistic, thematically repetitive and overly stuffed with ridiculous thoughts about either heavy snowfall being a good thing, a morbidly obese man (who doesn’t actually exist, by the way) who’s allowed to commit home invasion, or a combination of the two. So, of course, I’m gonna be in love with anything that satirizes such ideals. Thus, we arrive at The Lancashire Hotpots’ newest offering, The Lancashire Hotpots’ Christmas Cracker.Christmas music ”“ or, rather, making light of it ”“ is new ground for the Hotpots (save for one song), so the idea of an entire album sounds like a risky affair. Thankfully, the group is a collection of expert songwriters in the parody genre. Christmas Cracker, therefore, becomes just another avenue for the Hotpots to make you laugh and, perhaps more importantly, appreciate just how talented these guys are. While its skewering of Christmas-related topics is superb (more on that later), the actual songwriting is what stands out the most. Opener ‘Christmas Number One’ is a spot-on caricature of Christmas adult contempo, complete with a cheesy keyboard riff. Meanwhile, ‘It’s Cliff-mas Time’ is the band’s take on ‘80s new wave, and would be right at home on Synchronicity. Similarly, ‘Gaviscon Christmas’ is the Hotpots’ perfect send-up of a Purple Rain b-side. Then there’s the single ‘Carry You Home,’ a tender, acoustic pop ditty and the one cut here that’s to be taken seriously. And the band pulls it off superbly. It’s the best example of the band’s ability to write (great) melodies without using laughter as a crutch ”“ that is to say, not that they necessarily do it. It’s the one problem with parodistic music acts: any praise given to such a band’s songwriting always comes with an asterisk and/or a hint of suspicion. That said, it works to the band’s credit that it can churn out a ‘70s singer-songwriter gem and not be written off by an absurd notion such as “selling out.”But let’s not forget the real reason you’d buy this: the humor. As mentioned, the album’s theme is the lampooning of Christmas and various Christmas-related subject matter. ‘Happy Non Denomination Winter Festival Celebration’ finds the band taking a stab at writing a politically correct holiday song, lest they be socially lambasted; the band fails miserably (read: hilariously). ‘Santa Eckerslike’ is about Santa’s replacement because he knocks the real Santa unconscious after mistaking him for a burglar. But the real problem? He’s a terrible replacement, and is, in fact, “the worst Santa Claus there’s ever been.” ‘Christmas in Lancashire’ (first seen on Never Mind The Hotpots) discusses just how bad living in the titular county is, especially during Christmas. The most entertaining song (and the catchiest, too), though, has to be ‘Phew, What A Scorcher!,’ a song positing that in the year 2020 Christmas weather in Lancashire will resemble that of the Florida Keys: “They thought climate change wasn’t happening/ Even the scientists have their doubts/ But now it’s piña coladas instead of egg nog/ And I’m putting reggae reggae sauce on my sprouts.”If eleven holiday-themed songs weren’t enough, Christmas Cracker also offers “karaoke versions” of twelve old favorites. The dozen tracks serve to remind us why we love this band in the first place. ‘I Fear Ikea,’ ‘The Beer Olympics’ and ‘He’s Turned Emo’ are all here. The joke is that the songs are either re-mixes or direct re-records of the originals. The only “difference” is that these versions contain the vocals higher in the mix. Slightly. Admittedly, they don’t add much to Cracker, mainly because none of the songs have anything to do with Christmas, but they’re amusing anyway. That aside, Christmas Cracker offers further proof that the Lancashire Hotpots are the UK’s premier parodic musical act. If your humbuggery is anywhere near mine, you’ll love that this collection of songs roasts Christmas over an open fire, too.

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