All Apologies: Charlotte Church

Who would play you in the movie of your life?

Judy Dench (assuming I live long enough) or Nicolas Cage; I love everything those guys do and Nic would look fantastic in drag.

What would your superpower be and why?

Time travel, obviously. It’s the most informative superpower; I’d be unbearably clever if I could see what has been and what’s to come. All the other classic super-powers work inside our 3-dimensional world, but time travel adds a whole new dimension. Who needs ayahuasca!?

What’s your idea of heaven?

Heaven would be a world in which there was no corruption, and everyone in power or in positions of responsibility was morally and ethically sound; imagine if every person in government was just phenomenally good and enjoyable to be around. Maybe a bit Miss Universe, but…

What one thing have you learnt from your parents?

To not be an arsehole?

What song do you wish you’d written?

‘Nude’ by Radiohead; it’s a phenomenal song. Also ‘I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday’ by Wizzard for obvious royalties-related reasons!

If you could say something to your 15 year old self, what would it be?

‘Lighten up’. Just that, no context, no explanation.

What’s your re-occurring nightmare?

Billy Connolly chasing me down my primary school steps in a lab coat. Specific, horrible and utterly true. Oddly, I love Billy Connolly.

What song will they play at your funeral?
Depends on who ‘they’ are! To be fair, if I knew I was dying, I’d set up an awesome treasure hunt around Cardiff as my funeral; the whole congregation would have to do it, no exceptions. I’d have it end up in some kind of humanist thing with loads of music, so it’s hard to say. I will say one thing; if it’s ‘Pie Jesu’ I’ll go fucking nuts.

What five people would you invite to your fantasy dinner party?
David Attenborough, Björk, Thom Yorke, David Byrne and David Lynch. All the Davids! Maybe David Bowie could cater it, perhaps in cahoots with R Kelly; there’d be food everywhere.

Who would you most like to apologise to and why?

David Bowie; he’s so much more than a party chef.

Charlotte Church’s new EP THREE is out now.