A pulse starts up, vocals are panned beautifully across my head, the pulse is growing, stronger and stronger. A lone piano kicks in, delay ridden and full of remorse. So far, so promising. And then this buildup is interrupted by some terrible close harmonies, and some of the most cliched lyrics ever. “You wandered out into the crowd, you wonder how you got there. And the sound is very loud, from underground”. At that point I closed iTunes.

And then I realised that I had to review this album. Only, now, many days have passed inbetween my first listen and this, my full playthrough times 3. I was hesitant, nay scared to approach the rest of the album since being utterly turned off by the debut album from Melody Klyman, entitled Sovereign. But, it’s my job, so onwards I go.

Title track ‘Sovereign’, source of the dreadful lyrics, is strong on production terms for sure. Everything sounds clean and well mixed, there are some great ideas floating around in the background, if not overwhelmed at times by a selection of slightly nasty synth sounds. I just can’t. Get. Past. Those lyrics! Yes, Melody Klyman can sing well, sometimes a bit too faux-soulful but still possessing a certain amount of charm. Considering that I was maybe being a bit harsh, I took some sample lyrics from the second track to check if it was just a one off. Second track:  “I was cold as december, too old too remember, was it better to say nuh-huthing at all. I was cold as December, and smart Eee-nough to offend her, there’s just things that we discover, like it or not”. Now, that may not be as bad as the last set of prose, but if you actually listen to the track you will be able to hear that the words are shoe-horned so badly into the song that it just sounds wrong, wrong and wrong.

Sorry. I just turned the album off again. I shouldn’t keep informing you, the avid reader of my specific reviewing motions, but it’s important to note that I struggle to listen to this album, it’s actually that grating. Track three, ‘Sparkle’, starts like Madonna’s ‘Like A Prayer’ for some reason, but not in a good way, in a derivative one. And then continues in the same direction for three minutes, albeit with some nice harmonies. ‘Fool For Me’ has an excellent bit crushed and mangled motif bouncing around your ears, but ultimately comes across as a bit of a cheap trick to disguise that this is again, the same song as the three before it. ‘Never Stay Away’, attempts an adventurous chord progression, and some natty 80′s drum sounds, but falls flat on its face. ‘Hunt Of The Innocent’ = Same pulsey bass drum, same vocals, but this time with more strings. About as emotionally affecting as a sock. A grey sock. ‘Magic’ comes and goes, with only one thought. Must there be something that pans across your head at the start of EVERY piece? What was originally interesting is now dull and repetitive. Some horrible stock guitars add that tacky power ballad vibe. ‘If you believe in Magic.’? Next track please.

Wait! ‘Trigger Me’ doesn’t start with anything panned stupidly…..oh there we go. Thankyou drumkit, for coming in very slowly in an incredibly arrogant (if drums can indeed be arrogant) way. Oh, Melody, is that you singing a nice introduction? Again? Yes. Right, next track. To be fair, ‘Caught’ does make an attempt to be different, with a simple start, vocals coming in after 20 seconds, and some panned blips and shit.

No. No It doesn’t. That isn’t different! That’s the same FUCKING THING! My good greasy God in heaven! Skip. Last song, ‘Eleventh Hour’, is the same thing. Right, end of album. Can i stop reviewing now? A summary? Okay. Fine.

This album is bad. Bad because it’s viciously repetitive. Bad because the production is good but the songwriting isn’t. Bad because Melody Klyman puts across this soul diva personality through the way she sings, but her lyrics let her down majorly. This is on a par with Razorlight and Keane in terms of skull crushing boredom. And people like Melody Klyman should never assume that just because they have had some critical acclaim, they are suddenly a good artist and can bash out an album of this quality. Razorlight and Keane have also been critically acclaimed. What does that tell you? I’m sure that Melody Klyman is a lovely person, with a great deal of talent. But this isn’t about the person, it’s about the music presented. And while the musician in me is screaming in my brain to write a more balanced and positive review, i find myself instead overwhelmed with the bile only a music critic can muster. Bile caused by this album.

So, Melody Klyman, here’s some critical acclaim.

Oh, wait. No. Not acclaim. I used the wrong word there. My bad. I meant ‘panning’.
20%

Melody Klyman On Myspace

“I lay in the bathtub, as if i were dead. I lay in the grass as if I were dead. The trees have died, the sky is death. The wind blows over my skin, as cold as death. Empty houses of death.”

Cheery stuff then.

Thankfully I’m up to the third track out of four of this short, short E.P. from GSpider and Farah. From the artists monikers alone, my first thought was ‘Oh dear, the heads of TLOBF have finally fallen off the edge of sanity and sent me a grime album to review’. And after listening to this E.P. a few times, I can honestly say that I’d probably would have preferred the challenge. There isn’t really anything exciting about the Bruise Colour Blue E.P. It’s just a bit bland, with most of the music ending up sounding like a lazy, tired cross between Telefon Tel Aviv, Nine Inch Nails and in the case of opening track ‘Bruise Colour Blue’, Hadouken!. All random claps and snares, a few organic sounds here and there eventually add up to the same old electro edgy bollocks that anyone with a home studio set up and a decent set of plug-ins can do. Some of the synth sounds are also quite weak, the grimey bass on the verses of ‘Bruise Colour Blue’ in particular sounding quite tacky and cheap.

The vocalist on this E.P., Farah Holly Nemat, is touted as ‘a true gem lyricist and spoken word artist’ by the labels press. And while she has a sultry, smooth voice that sometimes works across these three tracks and one remix, it can also come across as lispy and grating in equal measures. No more so as on ‘Mojave’, source of the lyrics that open this review. Almost whispered, the sound of her tongue on the roof of her mouth is so noticeable that it almost destroys the elegant, if slightly morbid, poetry. Diversity is also not one of Farah’s strong points, and if it is, it’s certainly not evident on this extended player. The songs are littered with optimistic phrases like ‘All I ask of you is long term suffering, I will be with you in spirit, in the wreckage’.

These songs are well produced, and clearly time has been spent perfecting the sounds and lyrics so they flow as perfectly as possible within and around their opposite elements. However, there isn’t really much interest to be gleaned from this E.P., with all the tracks being far too similar. A certain sound attributable to the artist is fine, but when putting out such a small collection of music some variation is always appreciated. Having the last track as a remix is a bit of a cop-out too. Especially when the remix is very much, stylistically, running along the same vein as the previous tracks, and indeed the song that’s being remixed itself. If this was sold as a single with two b-sides, listeners may be more forgivable to its one-track mindedness. Sadly though, as it isn’t, we are left with what is quite a dry and soulless collection of anti-pop electronica that many people have already crafted to a much higher standard.
45%

GSPIDER on MySpace
Farah On MySpace