“Let’s grow old together, and die at the same time.”
Lets grow old together, and die at the same time. Let’s grow old together, AND DIE AT THE SAME TIME. You know what, you have to hand it to White Lies, that’s a beautiful line. The Unicorns themselves couldn’t have done better. Lets actually grow old together, and die at exactly the same time. I’m flushed with the sweetness and brilliance of this conceit. But you know what else, in context it comes across as one of the most RIDICULOUS THINGS EVER because White Lies are one of the most pompous bands ever to crawl out of their own collective arsehole and into this poor, innocent world of Ears.
I’ve got to admit I don’t listen to the radio, so maybe that’s part of it, but how hyped bands nowadays are supposed to emerge, at least into the mainstream (though lets not pretend that the successes of the Animal Collectives, Deerhunters and Fleet Foxes of this world is *completely* down to some sort of powerful grassroots movement here), seems just so clandestine, so *arbitrary* a process, I just don’t have the faintest idea how one might break into it, even if I for example *did* have the requisite talent to write, like, quality pop music in the vein of FrankMusik or something, how I would even start to go about cracking into the ‘Musicworld’. (In, like, some sort of mysterious institutionalist sense).
And see this is what I mean about it being arbitrary, because a band called White Lies evidently *have* broken into this ‘Musicworld’, and I really have no idea why. What they really are is incredibly, embarrassingly bad. As a pub band they would be a pity case. A totally senseless aping of something like The Teardrop Explodes, but with all the subtly of a blind ape beating up the manager of a toy shop. How the term ‘sub-Editors’ has even the faintest bit of practical use in our lexicon I don’t know- I didn’t think I would ever live in *that* world but that’s what White Lies are: sub-Editors, and god knows how they can even sleep at night whilst making such phenomenally, up-its-own-arse bad music.
Yes! If you thought Interpol had the occasional clunky lyric (actually that’s really harsh on Interpol, putting them in company like this, I really like ‘Turn On The Bright Lights’ and ‘Antics’ but you know, Paul Banks has dropped some of the all-time great clunkers despite this) then prepare yourself for White Lies! “I saw a friend that I once knew at a funeral”! OH MY FUCKING GOD. Maybe White Lies are just aiming for some sort of sick legacy as prime objects of study in some university course module of the near future entitled Pomposity In Music, because right now, they would be first on my syllabus. As a parody, this would be genuinely amusing. Sold as serious, its horrific.
White Lies don’t just need to be taken down a peg or two, they need to be taken off the washing line entirely. For some reason its members- its members who *have written these astonishingly pompous songs* are out there in society *on the verge of having a successful music career*. Do you know what this means? Do you realize how dangerous this is? These cunts are successful! These cunts are going to have *careers*! Careers based around their ‘art’- of being cunts! This sort of positive affirmation can be IN NO WAY HEALTHY for these individuals! And, as such, I am not even going to give their album the faint dignity of a score. It’ll be as if I didn’t even give it a review at all. Hahahahahahaha. Oh actually no wait. A direct, hard kick up the face is DEFINITELY more impactful than just *ignoring* people like this. So, to that effect:
0%
That’ll give them something to be especially depressed about, huh?
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A grower, is it?
Wow! White Lies are getting way too much hype, yes, but to mention only a couple of lyrics, then proceed to give the thing a zero and call them a bunch of stuck up cunts?
Are you angling for a job at the NME?
Yuss, complete and utter twats, I hated them from the moment I saw them in their BBC sound of 2009 video. BUT, they’re not THAT bad, I wouldn’t call them good, but they’re acceptable in music terms.
Bitter much? You must be some sort of failed musician who cannot let go of your lost dreams of success, and therefor must trash anyone who attains what you could not. Here’s an idea, instead of critiquing the band for your preconceived notions about them, why not instead just focus on the music. And 0%? Come on, that’s not fair. You should be above being so petty and nasty. Taken down a peg? What is your problem? They are just doing what they love, and you are a little weasel harping on them because you are blinded by jealousy and lack of real talent. Oh yeah, your prose sucks too. Learn to write!
As much as I enjoyed reading that entertaining slab of polemic, wouldn’t a considered critique with a realistic score better achieve what you’re trying to do here? You’ve just opened yourself up to red-rag chasing WL groupies suggesting you’re “blinded by jealousy and lack of real talent”.
It did make me laugh though.
Didn’t you give a 100% score a while back too? I appreciate the entertainment value, but a ‘but seriously folks’ score at the end would give more credibility and stop TLOBF being dismissed out of hand. No biggy though :-)
Tom, you did take it personally, didn’t you?
In Tom’s defence, the 100% he gave was to Brighten the Corners, and completely justified.
This review, however… a Whyman too far, maybe.
i find it quite amusing that we’re currently advertising their single on the header.
also tom. i think they’re touring soon. fancy guest list?
Hehe.
I also gave a 100% to Johnny Foreigner! (sort of)
These scores aren’t the law, you know. :D
What a silly review, Tom. You should know better. They’re not a great band of course, the record’s mediocre, but i’d rather read an honest constructive review than this piss. Reminds me of the muppets over at Pitchdork giving records stupidly low scores because the bands concerned dare to be mildly popular.
choice comment from the mega long thread on DiS:
“the line of bull shit more like” cowcow
lolz
http://drownedinsound.com/community/boards/music/4156274
To all of you slagging of Tom’s scoring – You’re obviously just blinded by jealousy and a lack of talent. You’re probably failed music bloggers.
Anyway, next time I do a review for TLOBF, I’m not agonizing over the score like I normally do. It’s either 0% or 100%. I want my own thread on DiS.
I think I’m going to start agonising over the score more, I don’t want people talking about me and my *stars*.
Hey, it’s *your* stylistic choice. This *is* the internet after all. The rules don’t *really* apply all of the time.
: )
It only needed asterixes round the *really*.
It’s fine, I use, way too many, commas, anyway. And I’m supposed to have a degree in this shit.